It’s that time of the year when we hold dear ones close, but in their absence, love can take on a heavier identity. Valentine’s Day can be a difficult reminder of grief for those who have lost a loved one. Navigating this day, which celebrates love, requires strength, support, and self-compassion

Jessica’s House shares five ways to honor love while grieving if you or those close to you are coping with loss this Valentine’s Day.

Heartfelt Memories:

Sometimes it’s hard to talk about heartfelt memories, but being part of a community where everyone is open about their loss makes for a safe place to share those stories and feel understood.

That’s why ministries like Jessica’s House, located at 1225 W. Christoffersen Parkway in Turlock, bring grief support to the community.

Grief Support Coordinator and Facility Manager Yvonne Borges, who is also a Stanislaus State alumna, shares, “A child was once playing with a couple of toy horses and used them to tell a story about how her father loved horses. Only in a community like [Jessica’s House] does a child that struggles to speak about these topics have the opportunity to channel those experiences in that way.”

Love Letters:

Writing letters to lost loved ones is a way to feel connected to them. There are many different approaches one could take when writing a letter to heal the aches of lost love.

One approach is to write about the things you would tell your person if they were still alive.

Another opportunity to heal is to consider writing to your past self as they are newly introduced to their grief. What would you tell them about your pain, about your journey and about your strength?

Self-Love Day:

Writing to your past self with compassion and wisdom is a form of self-love, but there are other ways to show love to yourself on Valentine’s Day. It can be as simple as treating yourself to a warm cup of tea or cuddling up on the couch to watch your favorite show.

What’s important to remember is that, when tending to yourself, you are honoring yourself as a vessel of love.

Love in Action:

This time of year is an opportunity to engage with community service or charity. You can give to the community, offer your hand to others and fill the world with the love you have for your person.

You can also love in action by, “partaking in activities that your loved one enjoyed doing, such as going on a hike or, if they were interested in nature, you could plant trees in their honor,” expresses Jessica’s House Therapeutic Spaces Manager Marlene Duran, who is also a Stan State alumna.

Healing Hearts Ceremony:

At Jessica’s House, ceremonies are done frequently to give each individual a space to recollect their favorite memories of the person who passed.

“One of the ceremonies we do every single semester is we give them a luminary bag that they decorate with things that remind them of their person,” says Duran.

After creating, they share their artistic choices as a way of sharing the memories and identities of their loved ones. When everyone that wants to share has spoken about their loved one, the lights turn off and the bags glow in their memory. Participants have the option to leave the bag for others to see or to bring it home.

8 Ways to Support Loved Ones that Are Grieving:

According to Kate Seamons in How to Show Up for a Grieving Friend on Valentine’s Day, here are some of the best ways to support your loved ones during a time of love and loss.

Don’t text, “Happy Valentine’s Day!” But do send a text.

“You should avoid saying ‘Happy Valentine’s Day,’ because saying that it is a ‘happy’ day is an assumption that really just enforces the fact that their person is not there,” explains Duran.

However, she goes on to express that a simple text like, “Thinking of you,” can make a difference by helping a grieving person feel connected and supported on rough days.

Send the flowers, drop off the chocolates

“This is a positive way to show you are there for someone who is grieving when they have more recently lost a loved one,” Duran says about gifting flowers and chocolates. She goes on to note that the emotions of grief can still be raw and hard to express, let alone sit with. Thus, they may need space.

However, the beauty of nature and the dopamine boost of each chocolatey bite are sweet reminders that they are not alone, which can bolster their inner strength.

Ask if they need company

Whether it is their first Valentine’s Day alone or not, a little walk or check-in may help to lift their spirits. This doesn’t need to take up the whole day, but any bit of time to let them know they have support will make a difference in their day.

While providing company lets your grieving friends or family know they are valued and cared for, be sure to ask if company is really what they need right now. Asking can be scary, but it is a way to confirm that their boundaries are being respected. They may simply need solitude on this day.

See if their kids need help with Valentine’s Day cards

If the person grieving has children, a thoughtful way of showing support is to help their children with Valentine’s Day cards for school, relieving some of the weight grief can place upon a parent in the presence of their child. The parent may even benefit from a homemade card from their children, reminding them that not all is lost.

On the topic of helping children cope, Grief Support Facilitator Nancy Daley shares, “Making a Valentine’s card to the person that died is something you could do. What would they say to them? What would they share with them about the things going on in their lives right now?”

Give them a “heart blitz”

If you know someone well enough, you can make colorful paper hearts with positive and uplifting messages on them. If you know they need space, placing this in their mailbox or taping it to their door are good options.

Send a rainy day box

Sending a rainy day box with a few of their favorite items is a fun way to show you are thinking of them. These gifts can encourage them to take care of themselves and remind them that they are loved.

A thoughtful spin to this idea would be to include some of the favorite items of their deceased loved one. Not only will your friend or family feel recognized, they will be grateful that someone else is thinking of their person on this day too.

Help them amp up their self-care

“Sometimes we think self-care is these crazy things like going out to get our nails done or taking a long bubble bath, but it can be as simple as making sure someone is hydrating and eating regularly,” says Duran.

Ensuring that they are taking care of their basic self-care needs can be helpful as grief has the capacity to be all-consuming at times, making those normal everyday things, like drinking and eating, the last thing on their mind.

Cook or share a favorite meal

Cooking their favorite meal is an activity that can help bring back memories of their lost loved ones. Not only will the act of creating itself potentially bring a sense of relief, the act of creating something their loved one enjoyed eating might bring warmth to their soul.

Additionally, cooking that meal with or for others offers companionship while encouraging that aforementioned self-care. It can be a motivator to get up and seek nourishment of both body and soul.