Hey Sonar: Advice for the Quacked and Confused

HEY SONAR:

I don’t like the way the geese have been eyeballing me lately. What should I do in case of a goose attack?

— Signed, Duck, Duck, Goosed
HEY DDG! I hear ya…Geese are a territorial animal but you can’t help but think, this is my campus too!

Luckily, actual attacks are rare (though you’ll see more aggressive behavior during nesting season, February through April). Still, there are a few steps you can take to fend off an impending goose throwdown.

Slowly back away. while maintaining eye contact. Don’t turn your back on an attacking goose; she’ll think you’re chicken.

Do not run away. That also tells the goose you’re chicken.

Look big. Spread your arms out, wave them, hold up your backpack or jacket. This makes you look intimidating. Chickens don’t have arms, backpacks, or jackets.

Protect your face. If the goose takes flight at you. In that case, be a duck and duck.

The best plan? Give geese space, especially during mating and nesting season. If possible, keep several feet between you and the geese. If you notice hissing, honking, or wing-spreading, that’s your cue to move even further away.

And never, never, never kick a goose! It is illegal to harm a Canada Goose under the Migratory Bird Treaty Act.

As with basketball and geese, the best offense is a good defense.

Make me change my mind!
HEY SONAR:

How do I get out of my parking tickets on campus?

— Signed, Parking Princess
HEY PP!

Like the geese, parking tickets are everywhere. In fact, Sonar got a ticket issued at 6:33 PM, just three minutes after a Signal editorial meeting that was supposed to end at 6:30.

Good news, you can dispute a parking violation online.

First, read your citation carefully. Look for the deadline to appeal and start collecting your evidence. Take photographs of unclear signs, broken permit dispensers, or confusing road markings.

Next, gather your documentation! Examples include proof of payment, explanation of why you couldn’t return to your car (geese attack), and any witness statements- who saw what and how they can support your case (Sonar observed geese attacking PP at 5:50 PM. Goose confirms the attack and PP had it coming).

Then, write your appeal! Be clear and respectful. Include your name, address, plate number, and the parking violation number. State your case on why you believe the citation was unfair (“I was being attacked by geese and could not return to my car by 6:30 when the permit expired”).

Attach your witness statement and any supporting evidence (like video of the goose attack). Politely request a specific action (please dismiss this ticket and fine the goose).

Finally, submit your appeal and wait! Make sure you keep a record for your documentation. As you wait for the decision on your appeal, you may be asked to attend an administrative hearing.

You can use your record to assist your position in case of a hearing. If the hearing doesn’t break your way, the parking ticket may be further disputed at the Stanislaus County Superior Court within 30 days of the Administrative Hearing determination notice.

Sonar wishes you the best of luck, but remember, when you tempt the parking gods, sometimes you gotta make a donation!