Stop. Step away from the Hot Pocket. Do you have any idea what’s in that thing? Never mind. If you wanted a lecture about the health hazards of your diet, you could probably get one and a free meal just by visiting your parents. But just in case you want the rest of the night to yourself, here is a healthy dinner that can be made in one pan, in under 15 minutes, for under $3.
You will need: one frying pan, one potato (don’t be lazy and buy the frozen, pre-sliced variety; it isn’t that hard to cut a potato), 3 eggs, butter or oil, half an onion, 3-4 mushrooms and half a brick of frozen spinach.

To start, you’ll want to put back the fresh spinach you were thinking  of picking  up because it was cheaper than the frozen kind. Fresh spinach is filthy; in order to get it clean you will have to scour and empty your kitchen sink. Even experienced chefs will pass on trying to get all of the sand off spinach leaves. Do yourself a favor and buy the frozen spinach.  

Now, throw the spinach in the microwave for two minutes. Do this in a bowl–there is actually a lot of water in that package. Dice the potato and onion and throw them in a hot pan with some oil. Immediately lower the temperature to medium and cover. No lid? Use a plate. Slice the mushrooms and add them to the pan. Do not use your bare hands to remove the plate–it will be hot. Not microwave-popcorn hot, Dante’s third-circle-of-hell hot. Don’t be a hero. Use a potholder. Give everything a stir and re-cover. Some food may be stuck to the bottom of the pan, but don’t worry about it.

Beat the eggs lightly in a coffee cup and add a pinch of salt and pepper. The spinach will be partially frozen; this is fine. Using your hands, separate the thawed spinach. Now is your moment to look like Bobby Flay–uncover the pan (Potholders!) and throw the watery half brick of spinach in. This will result in a dramatic burst of steam. Keep your face out of the initial blast and then get in there and start unsticking the food with a metal spatula. Return the heat to high, and add the eggs. Stir quickly until dry and turn onto a plate. This will make two servings, one of which could be bartered for dish duty.