Hey Sonar: Curious about polyamory?

Sonar dives into communication, consent, and curiosity in relationships

Sonar • October 29, 2025

Sonar delights a post-picnic nap with their partners. (Jason Andre Fuentes)

Hey Sonar:

I am curious about polyamory. I have a mono boyfriend, but I am craving other different relationships on the side. How do I approach this subject with my boyfriend?

— Signed, Poly-Curious

Hey PC! Some college students are practicing a form of polyamory just with different names FWB or open relationship or having a “main” and “enjoying various side dishes.”

Polyamory is only one type of relationship under of the umbrella of Ethical Non-Monogamy. Specifically, polyamory means having intimate relationships with more than one person at the same time, with everyone’s knowledge and consent.

Before you bring this up with your boyfriend, take a step back and ask yourself a few important questions:

Why do I want to do this?
Am I sure that I am not solving problems in my relationship with polyamory?
Do I have unmet needs with my partner?

Be honest with yourself! Do your homework – make sure you are ready to talk to your partner.

Tips for talking to your partner about polyamory

Pick a neutral place where you and your partner can sit comfortably without interruptions. Make sure you are both relaxed – a calm space makes for an honest conversation.
Let your partner know that they are important to you and how much you value your relationship with them. Set the tone.
Ask your partner if they are open to talking about this type of relationship. If not, stop! You may need to approach the conversation later or never; keep this in mind when setting expectations.
Speak only for yourself and avoid making assumptions.
Keep investing in your existing relationship.
Have a clear understanding of what you want.
Share information. This is about educating your partner not persuading them to agree to polyamory, rather than to foster understanding.
Give them some space and grace! They need time to process the question, what it means to them, and take some time for them to learn more about polyamory.
Go slow. Do not take things too fast for your partner.

Talking about opening your relationship will take time, patience and lots of honest conversation. There are many resources online about polyamory, Sonar appreciated Discovering Polyamory for its clear and concise information, helpful links and blog.

Sonar is also a proponent of therapy! Many therapists specialize in sex and intimacy and can be a wonderful place to start your journey toward understanding yourself and your relationship.

Curiosity is natural just make sure it’s guided by compassion and communication.

Wishing you the best,

Sonar

Donate to Signal

Your donation will support the student journalists of California State University, Stanislaus. Your contribution will allow us to purchase equipment and cover our annual website hosting costs.

About the Contributors

Sonar, Columnist

Sonar, a California Myotis, resides on campus in a bat box outside the music department. They offer advise on complex questions and flights of fancy for folks on the CSU Stan campus.

Katherine Zagone, Editor

Katherine Zagone is a returning student majoring in Theatre Arts. Katherine is excited to work for The Signal covering the arts and crime beats. Further Katherine will be launching Dear Sonar to address burning questions from Stan State students.

Jason Andre Fuentes, Editor

Jason Andre Fuentes is a transfer student at Stanislaus State, double majoring in Creative Media and Sociology. Beginning his Junior year with Signal, he wants to specialize in computer graphics and community outreach. What interests him about news is learning about local culture and events, like Modesto’s punk scene. Jason was inspired to pursue work in Social Media after designing posters for an LGBTQ+ club at Modesto Junior College. After graduation, he plans to be a graphic designer or web developer. For fun, Jason likes to emulate retro video games, see local bands with his friends, and code his Neocities website. His latest hobby is learning to skateboard.