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The Student News Site of California State University, Stanislaus

Signal

The Student News Site of California State University, Stanislaus

Signal

Difficult decisions: Do you work through a hard-patch in a relationship or end it and go your separate ways?

Dear ‘Randa,
“Is getting your ex back a good idea?”
Sincerely,
Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
Every relationship is different. Whether or not it’s a good idea to get back with an ex-partner solely depends on the relationship itself.
But when considering, here are a few thoughts to contemplate before diving back in.
For starters, what was the reason for the breakup in the first place? If it was a little fight and things were said that weren’t meant, then reconsider.After letting those boiling frustrations simmer down, have an honest conversation about what happened and how to prevent it from happening again.
Second, is the cause of the breakup, whether an annoying habit or an obsession of some sort, something you can live with?
In a relationship, neither person should have to change herself or himself in order to please a significant other, so plan on those habits sticking around.
An article titled “Your Personality: Quirk or Quality,” from Wisconsin Relationship Education says, “It’s not impossible, but a cardinal rule for relationships: Don’t expect or assume your partner will change. Usually what you see is what you get.”
If one chooses to take that leap and rekindle the fire, be forgiving.
Although the incident that caused the break-up was upsetting, a couple must be able to move on in order for the relationship to return to a happy place. The incident should not be used as blackmail in the future in order to give each other a guilt trip.
In “Forgiveness is the Secret to Happy Relationships,” an article from The Guardian, Dr. Luisa Dillner says, “In relationships, couples who forgive each other are happier than those who don’t – and happier couples are in any case more likely to forgive each other than those who have been making each other miserable for years.”
Lastly, a couple should get back together on their own individual terms and solely for their own happiness. Pressure from an ex-partner should not be a swaying factor in making the decision to start the relationship again.
For the future, have a plan.
This will show commitment to one another in that each person is invested in the relationship and wants to help prevent a possibly more permanent, unfortunate breakup.
Sometimes breaking up can do a relationship good.
A couple can grow from the experience thus making their renewed relationship stronger.
After considering the above thoughts, only reestablish the relationship if it’s in each other’s best interest.
So if after considering the above thoughts, only reestablish the relationship if it’s in each other’s best interest. If not, keep your head up and don’t let an unhealthy relationship hold you or your partner back.
Wishing the best,
Randa

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Difficult decisions: Do you work through a hard-patch in a relationship or end it and go your separate ways?