The Student News Site of California State University, Stanislaus


The Student News Site of California State University, Stanislaus


The Student News Site of California State University, Stanislaus


Dark Secrets of Stan State


Dale Penkin on hanging out on campus.

Unbeknownst to its students, CSU Stanislaus has some secrets that involve some of the largest figures in the campus community.

There are rumors that these groups have been attempting to listen in on student conversations and impede on their general well being.

Matthew Notary (grad student, Rhetoric & Teaching Writing Program), said, “This is their place, we’re just in the way. I don’t think they really care about us at all.” 

In regards to their motivations on being on campus, Halle Smith (grad student, Family and Marriage Therapy) believes that their sole purpose of being on campus is to “target poor students”. 

Jewel Rodriguez (junior, Art) believes that they ‘have a dark side’ and that they might even be trying to ‘overrule Titus’ Stan State’s beloved mascot. 

Alyssa Higuera (senior, Art) stated that there are many stories surrounding said figures on campus and that they are ‘pretty scary’. 

Details on the Fowl Play

Dale Pekin (sophomore, Business) shared that he doesn’t mind being around students, as long as they’re respectful towards him and his space. 

Pekin stated: “I personally don’t like to eavesdrop on student conversations, but I can’t speak for other birds. Most of us don’t though.”

Mabel Branta-Canadensis (Stan State alumna) shared how she lives nearby and she enjoys being able to take in the beauty of the campus by taking daily walks with her children. 

Albert Einstein (senior, Physics), did not answer any questions, but he wanted students to know that E does indeed equal mc^2.

One goose, who has chosen to remain anonymous, shared that they didn’t really like students invading their personal 20 feet of ‘required’ space. They also stated they should be able to jay-walk in front of cars whenever they please.

Ryan Gosling made a very brief appearance on campus the other day, but he declined for a comment on the situation.

Harold Muscovy (senior, English) explained how he likes being on campus, but he thinks there should be more consideration towards the food on campus. 

“We appreciate your food offerings, but please stop feeding us your leftover food,” he said. “We don’t want it anymore. Most of the time it’s stale anyway. Do any of you have food permits to do this anyways?”

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Dark Secrets of Stan State