Hey Sonar:

I am dreading spending time with my family this holiday season. My parents have invited my aunt from Idaho. She’s team Trump and has no reservations about parroting her views. I’m imagining trying to choke down turkey while she goes on and on about Charlie Kirk, SNAP and whatever else is in her rotation. I just can’t even. Any advice?

— Signed, Make A Gathering Amicable

Hey MAGA! Yeah, stuff is wild. We live in times where everything changes constantly, except, apparently, family. For better or worse, they’re your family.

You can’t change their personality, habits or opinions. So, how do you get through dinner without gagging on the gobbler?

Acceptance: As Sonar always says, family doesn’t change. Realize you won’t reprogram your aunt over mashed potatoes. Accept that she is who she is.

Expectations: Set your expectations realistically. You’re not going to convince your aunt that Trump is an amoral Cheeto, so in the words of Tony Soprano, “fuggedaboutit.”

Zooming in and out: Zoom in on what connects you: a favorite holiday movie, a shared dessert or a family tradition. Then zoom out when things get tense. Focus on the decorations you love, the food that delights you and the people who actually get you.

Boundaries: Know your limit before you go in. What topics are off-limits? How long can you stay before you start vibrating with rage? Have an exit strategy, whether it’s changing the subject, stepping outside or suddenly remembering an urgent pie-related task.

Take breaks: These are reasons why you walk around the block with your cousin. Hang with the family pets. Petting a dog or cat can lower your blood pressure, science agrees! Or retreat to another room, scroll a bit or phone a friend to vent.

Bottom line, you have more control than you think. You can choose how to participate even if you can’t choose who’s invited. Give your family (and yourself) some space and grace this holiday.

Cheers,

Sonar