Hey Sonar:

My roommate is a total gross pig! They spill Cane’s sauce on the floor without cleaning it up. They refuse to put their dirty clothes in the hamper I bought them for Christmas. When they get back from class, they drop their bag, take off their shoes and jacket, tossing all their shit in front of the door.

Basically, they’re pretty cool, and we hang out, but I’m frustrated by their filth and disregard for me. I tried talking to them and even bought them a hamper to help, but they just promise to “be better” and continue to not do shit!

— Signed, Angry Bird

Hey AB, I feel you. Sonar got a new roommate this year, Lechuza. While he is not a pig, he’s an owl…a screech owl and damn, he is LOUD.

Any issue between roomies should be addressed timely, directly, tactful and with an eye toward compromise.

I am a huge fan of picking a good time to talk. Ask for a time when you both are chill and can talk in private. Be direct. Start with something like, “Hey, I need to discuss something with you.”

Focus on one issue at a time to avoid overwhelming your roommate. You don’t want to shock and awe them with a bombardment of gripes. Focus on cleanliness.

Use the ever important “I” statements. “I feel unsafe when your backpack is on the floor by the door…” If you hit your roomie with, “You are a filth monster who leaves their detritus flung across hell and back,” I guarantee you will not have a productive conversation and resentments will level up.

Whatever you say, I am sure your roommate will respond. Good! Hear them out. Actively listen to them. Rephrase to ensure you understood what they communicated. “Just so I get it, you are taking six classes and you work 20 hours a week, so you’re very busted when you get home.”

Work towards a compromise. The hamper may not be the solution that works best for you both. Maybe you look for a way to address your roommate’s exhaustion and your well-being. Do not just accept, “I’ll do better.” Ask how.

Can your roomie throw their crap under their bed since that is their destination after a long day? You both can work on a schedule where you each clean for an hour at the same time each week while listening to some Sombr.

Anyhoo, I gotta find a time to chat with Lechuza about his death metal fetish.